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For those of you who have been following the news in recent weeks you may have stumbled upon an interesting story about the four-year-old boy from Michigan, USA who managed to drive his mother's car down to the local video store one night. His journey ended after returning empty handed from the outlet when he managed to sideswipe a parking lot and then reverse into a police vehicle who was giving chase at the time.
Now clearly this incident raises a number of vital questions. Americans on the whole are perhaps the dumbest race of people this side of Saturn. The majority of them couldn't even get a root in a Monkey brothel holding a bunch of bananas! So where exactly did this child come from? However, after rereading the offending article, even I can see clearly that the child does hail from the United States. Even I can't pretend to think that this child was French - arguably the second dumbest race on the planet - because had it been a French boy he would have surrendered at the first sign of a police patrol.
If we believe what the papers say, then we have found America's next genius. This kid should be enrolled in the NASA space program straight away and put to work on their most important top-secret projects. Do you recall what you were doing at four years of age? Not driving your mother's car down to the local Video outlet, checking up on the latest releases that's for sure? I know I was enjoying the fine art of finger-painting with my poopoo! You might be thinking that I'm being rather harsh in my judgment of Americans, however, we are talking about a country where it is illegal in certain parts of Alabama to read palms without having a permit. Ah Hello! Since when did Palm reading require a friggin' permit? Did you know that in Billings, Montana it's illegal to bring bombs or rockets to a city council meeting? Pray tell, what other use does Cooter and his best mate Billy Bob have for bombs and rockets if not to bring them to a local council proceeding and blow the fuck out of the morons who invented the law in the first place? In Utah it's illegal to cause a catastrophe! That's right, a catastrophe. Normally, causing a catastrophe is likely to be illegal in the majority of populated places on the planet but the US actually has a law for it that was enacted in 1973. In Los Angeles, California it's against the law to lick a toad. Obviously LA had a major toad-licking problem for such a law to be passed. One can only hope that Beverly Hills was spared this horrendous enactment, otherwise Kermit the Frog isn't getting much sex in that State.
Ok! Ok! I'll take my pills now!
It seems crystal clear to me that the defenders of the free world aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. The majority of the men relate better to Homer J. Simpson then any other male personality in the country. When you have more in common with a cartoon character then any other real person, you have serious issues. Wait up, I relate well to Homer and there is a bunch of cartoon characters called the Snorks. Mmmm…this doesn't look good at all. I better call my clairvoyant and have her read my palms!
http://www.angelfire.com/me2/80sChild/snorks.html
Come on! Lets sing along with the Snorks theme song.
Come along with
the snorks
Swim along with the snorks
So much to see waiting for you and
me
Have some fun with the snorks
Play along with the snorks
Happy we'll
be living under the sea
Come along with the snorks
If you could breathe
under water where would you go?
If you had friends under the water who would
you know?
Come along swing along swim along yeah
Come along with the
snorks
Swim along with the snorks
So much to see waiting for you and me
Swim along with the, have some fun with the, swim along with the SNORKS!!!
